3 Key steps to changing your habits
Our Daily habits dictate our life. In his book “The Power of Habit,” Charles Duhigg quotes a Duke University research paper that states 40% of our decisions each day aren’t really decisions, they’re habits. They are behaviors that started as decisions, which then turned into habits so that our brains can offload the small tasks and stay focused on the larger decisions. In 1892, researcher Williams James said “All our life, so far as it has definite form, is but a mass of habits.”
The truth is, we are often unaware of the habits we have. Some of them are good, some of them are not so good. They are the sum of decisions made previously. These decisions we initially made conscious effort towards, are now habits that we no longer think about. Where this leads to is that we may continue to practice habits that are no longer effective or beneficial for us. We continue them because we are not consciously working to change them.
When I was younger, I used to smoke. I started when I was 14 because I wanted to be part of the kids I thought were cool. My parents had friends who smoked and I thought they were cool too. So I started smoking because I thought it was cool. Fast Forward seven years, and I’m in college, smoking almost a pack a day of cigarettes, and I’m one semester from graduating with my bachelors degree. A few days into school I met the woman who would eventually become my wife. She didn’t know I smoked. It wasn’t until much later she found out that I was a previous smoker. You might be asking how I kept it a secret? The answer is, I didn’t.
It was Halloween of 2001, and we had just finished a production for theatre and we were all going to go to someone’s house to celebrate. I had seen the girl at the show and we were walking outside, and as I was walking past my theatre crew who was smoking, she commented on the fact that she didn’t like and could never date a smoker. This was the day I changed my habit. The next day I quit cold turkey because I wanted to date the girl more than I wanted to smoke the cigarette.
This is the key to changing habits for the future. The desire for the new habit in life MUST be stronger than the desire to stay the same. If the new goal or desire isn’t strong enough, or the reward isn’t worth it, then the new habit won’t stick. A new habit requires new processes, new rewards and new ways of doing things.
The first two months after quitting were some of the hardest I’ve been through. I had to remove all stimuli that I had associated with smoking. I stopped drinking coffee (which I love) and hanging out with certain friends. I stopped going out. It was the only way to remove the temptations to light up another cigarette.
The time and effort paid off. My habits changed and I no longer desired to smoke. It took a firm and unwavering commitment to change. While in this instance I didn’t need to seek professional help, some might, and that’s ok. There are a number of professionals out there that can help you to change if you’re willing to put in the time and effort to do so. Here are the 3 keys needed to make lasting change in your life:
The desire to change must be stronger than the desire to stay the same.
If your desire to change doesn’t meet your desire to stay the same, your efforts will not be lasting. The changes you will have happen will begin a cascading effect of other changes. As these changes happen, sometimes the level of discomfort of the change increases, and it’s important to always keep the goal in mind.
Remove the trigger.
One of the reasons I stepped away from friends, coffee and going out was because I associated all of those things with smoking. Early on, I knew I couldn’t be in those situations and not light up. Six months of being removed from those (including the coffee), and it was no longer a temptation. By removing the stimuli that prompted me to smoke, I was able to slowly remove the urge to smoke.
Replace old habits with new ones.
This is another important step. Old habits and associations reminded me of old ways. New habits and new stimuli helped to reinforce the change I was seeking. The more I rewarded myself for the new behavior, the more I was able to be successful in the new way of living.
Eventually, I was able to do things like drink coffee and go out with my smoking friends again. They didn’t need to change. I needed to change. The best part of it all, was I got the girl too.